It has been a brutal day of erasing Philip from my life, at least that’s what it felt like. I really just began the process of erasing him from our accounts. It’s a hard reality but this farfeneugen paperwork has got to be done whether I feel like it or not.
It went pretty smoothly. Most people sent their condolences and made it easier. The timeshare in Philips’s name, however, pushed me to my dangerous edge. They require court appointed executorship paperwork, next of kin/in the will stuff doesn’t count.
The impenetrability of it was almost more than I could bear as my powerlessness came crashing in on me. “My mantle of Widowhood ought to count for something!” I screamed in my head. “How can you dismiss me so easily?” I wanted to rant. I wanted to vomit all over the poor doing-her-job gal on the phone but I had enough leftover control to also know it wasn’t her fault even if I wanted it to be.
I wanted someone to blame as if somehow it would make me feel better, less powerless. In the end and in the nick of time, I recognized that old trick and hung up before any uncertain inflammatory explicitives escaped.
Anne
Grieving is a b*#%!
March 16, 2021
I
Tripping with God: Stories of Faith and Inspiration 