Leaking

“I’m going off the rails on a crazy train…”

Ozzy Ozbourne

Walk- up baseball song

I am scattered and unfocused. Can anyone tell? I feel like I am wide open for all the world to see, laid bare, vulnerability leaking from every pore. My heart is somehow more raw than usual. I feel frail and shaky. Magnified sadness relentlessly building up all day.  My sensitivity quotient off the chart.

All conversations pierce me. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just regular conversation. 

“Talking about someone who divorced her husband after 25 years; so much time training him only to trade him in? You must be out of your mind to give up after 25 years”

…unless you are forced to…

“But how lovely it was to spend a bday by themselves; in a bed all to themselves”… lovely because they choose it; only because they can go home to their love

I am so raw, a quivering mess. Some days, I just wonder how this could be my life; missing Philip more than ever.

Anne