It is My Honor

Carolyn Arends To Cry For You

Carolyn Arends To Cry For You
There’s a lump in my throat
There’s a knot in my chest
I am tired to the bone
But I cannot rest
Still it’s only right to feel like I do
‘Cause it is my honour to cry for you

All the memories come back
Like the tide rolling in
And the current is strong
I go under again
So I hold my breath, what else can I do?
It is my honour to cry for you

Blessed are the ones who weep
‘Cause every tear is proof
Of ties that bind so strong and deep
That death cannot undo
So it is my honour to cry for you

I’ve got more than a hunch
That you’re somewhere so good
It’d be wrong to come back
Even if you could
I will see you again, but until I do
It is my honour to cry for you

There’s a lump in my throat
There’s a knot in my chest
But the ache in my soul
Tells me I am blessed
‘Cause when the sorrow is great, the love is too
And it is my honour to cry for you
I guess grief is the work that love must do
So it is my honour to cry for you

© Running Arends Music/ASCAP  see less
credits

I put on a bright, yellow blouse today, feeling bold and strong and walked out into the exquisite day with the dogs. The sun was just rising, sending a sparkling golden glow across the straw colored field. Birds singing. Cool breeze blowing. I was ready to worship with thanksgiving in this, my cathedral of a field. 

But the persistent circling of one song made me wonder at the disconnect between my bold yellow spirit and the true state of my inner being. Did I need to cry instead? What a shame to waste my rare energy on sadness, again, I thought…it is so exhausting but I followed my own lead and listened.

The song in my head, “I Cry For You” by Carolyn Arends, perfectly expresses my grief as it reframes it. Crying is not weakness though it sometimes feels like it is; it is not negative. Quite the opposite, crying honors Philip. It attests to “the ties that bind so strong so deep that death cannot undo.” 

Crying to honor Philip removes the fear that the sorrow will be my undoing; the fear that the crying will never stop once started because it comes from love. It adds hope and beauty to the sorrow. I love that and it has been so healing to cry with this song.

The thing is, though, today, I find myself switching the lyrics. Instead of ‘I cry for you’, I keep singing in my head, “it is my honor to die for you.” At first, I thought that would be a cruel play on words if I were clinically depressed. Then I realized, it is not me singing, it is Jesus singing to me. 

It was His honor to die for me so that I could have the honor of crying for Philip. His love for me made a way for true love to flourish. 

“I guess grief is the work that love must do” and it is my privilege and honor and blessing to have a Saviour Who made the way so I could have something so great to cry for.

Anne

April 7, 2021