Picked up my taxes today which in the past I have often done without Philip present so no biggie. But today, I had to sign the “surviving spouse” signature line…and that’s all it took to undo me.
I signed Joe up for high school not long ago. There was no way to take Phillip’s name off the emergency contact… That’s one of those things you don’t even anticipate. It caught me by surprise… another undoing.
This life is made for the Living and doesn’t leave a lot of room for those who no longer do. Sneaky, little, unassuming details that pierce my heart in their bewildering abruptness.
Some days it takes so little to topple me.
It doesn’t help that lately, there’s a lull in my step, a pain in my head, nausea to the core of my being and ridiculous fatigue. It captures me daily and throws me down. I am heartbroken and distressed and so easily undone. How long, oh Lord, will you contend with me?
I think of Psalms 35:1,3, 9 (paraphrased).
“Contend O Lord with those who contend with me” …and most especially when it is my very own sad sack self that does the contending… “Say to my soul, ‘I am your salvation’…then my soul will rejoice in You as all my bones shall say, ‘Oh Lord, who is like You, delivering the poor from that which is too strong for her.'”
Paraphrased, it’s almost exactly what Princess Leia once said to Obi-Wan, “Help me, Oh Lord, You are my only hope.”
Anne
April 23, 2021
Tripping with God: Stories of Faith and Inspiration 