Dancing in the Dark

I  got a skin check up from my dermatologist the other day. She lightly brushed my skin as she did her exam and I suddenly realized I had not been touched like that all year. The immediate tears in my eyes revealed my welling questions, kinda dumb but real nonetheless: Who will touch me now? Somehow that led into memories of dancing with Philip, and a follow up question: who will twirl me now?

Since Philip passed, I’ve often pictured myself dancing with him in my yard at midnight under the stars.

When we did dance, he would sometimes start slow and sweet but as soon as he felt the beat, we were off, sometimes frantically, twirling me with abandon, sometimes dropping me or throwing me into groomsmen but always locking eyes with me as I locked eyes with him, the one who chose to love me best on Earth. I did not have the stamina that he had but we both shared the unlimited, connecting joy together.

Tonight when I could not sleep, I got up to dance in the dark of my bedroom. I began with music from The Passenger that I ‘randomly’ found looking for something else on YouTube. It was as if it were sung by Philip, himself.

How many times can I tell you?

By The Passenger

You’re lovely just the way you are

Don’t let the world come and change you

Don’t let life break your heart

Don’t put on their mask, don’t wear their disguise

Don’t let them dim the light that shines in your eyes

If only you could love yourself the way that I love you

How many times can I say

You don’t have to change a thing

Don’t let the tide wash you away

Don’t let worry ever clip your wings

Discard what is fake, keep what is real

Pursue what you love, embrace how you feel

If only you could love yourself the way that I love you

And if you ever choose a road that leads nowhere

All alone and you can’t see right from wrong

And if you ever lose yourself out there

Come on home and I’ll sing you this song

So how many times can I tell you

You’re lovely just the way you are

Don’t let the world come and change you

Don’t let life break your heart.

~~

And if that weren’t lovely enough,  my phone followed up  ‘randomly” with music by Bethel Music. It was as if Jesus cut in on Philip and reminded me who wrote my song in the first place. And in so doing, He answered both of my dermatological questions spoken into fear.

We Dance

By Bethel Music

You steady me

Slow and sweet, we sway

Take the lead and I will follow

Finally ready now

To close my eyes and just believe

That You won’t lead me

Where You don’t go

When my faith gets tired

And my hope seems lost

You spin me round and round

And remind me of that song

The one You wrote for me

And we dance

And we dance

And I’ve been told

To pick up my sword

And fight for love

Little did I know

That Love had won for me

Here in Your arms

You still my heart again

And I breathe You in

Like I’ve never breathed ’till now

When my faith gets tired

And my hope seems lost

You spin me round and round

And remind me of that song

The one You wrote for me

And we dance

And we dance

And I will lock eyes

With the One who’s ransomed me

The One who gave me joy for mourning

And I will lock eyes

With the One who’s chosen me

The One who set my feet to dancing.

And I will lock eyes

With the One who’s ransomed me

The One who gave me joy for mourning

And I will lock eyes

With the One who’s chosen me

The One who set my feet to dancing.

We dance

We dance

We dance

We dance

Just You and me

It’s nice to know I’m not alone

I’ve found my home here in Your arms

It’s nice to know I’m not alone

I’ve found my home here in Your arms

It’s nice to know I’m not alone

I’ve found my home here in Your arms

It’s nice to know I’m not alone

I’ve found my home here in your arms.

~~

Dancing in the Dark to God’s handpicked playlist with His handpicked partners answering my questions as He sings over me…

Amazed and we’ll cared for,

Anne October 19, 2021. @midnight

“For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty Savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will sing over you with joyful songs.”

Zephaniah 3:17