Before the Beginning

Wednesday, November 2, 2021

Departure Day Tomorrow

My heart is full of sorrow today. My head aches and I feel burdened by this world of details. Some days are just more difficult than others…

The days before a trip often find me harried and on edge but this time is particularly dizzying. My struggle is all knotted up with my grief. My sorrow swirls around me like a vortex of doom with so many layers threatening to undo me. It would be easy to slip within it’s diabolical web. I am tempted but God brings me a refuge, I discover, as my weary heart begins to sing Psalms 51 like a prayer.

Psalms 51:10-12

Create in me a clean heart, O God,

    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Cast me not from Thy presence, Lord

    Take not Thy Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation

    and renew a willing spirit within me.

Through my tears, I own how much I long for a reset. How I long for a willing, steadfast spirit, renewed within me. How I long for God’s redemptive power to be poured out to others through my weakness and through Him to receive it back myself.

I don’t feel hopeful or relieved but today I choose to believe anyway. I choose refuge from my swirling sorrow. I choose belief.

I believe You, Lord. I believe. 

So here I am. Send me.

Anne

Let our African Adventure begin…