These past few weeks my old acquaintance, Dread, has returned. The feeling of not wanting to proceed; of wanting to stand still and hold my breath until the unformed danger moves past.
The loss of my mom and the struggling grief of my child have stymied me…good reasons, I suppose…
And then there’s the fact that I’ve just returned from St. Louis where we dismantled my mom’s house of 43 years. It was an oddly comforting reprieve to be with my siblings, cousin and friend. Through all of our funerals, we have continued to say that we are stronger together and that always proves true.
But now returning home, my lingering dread awakens with me each morning. I suspect it will just take time to assimilate into myself this ever changing life of mine.
I tell others who are new to grieving to be gentle with themselves and so I claim this for myself. In the stillness of my silent night, I will gently let the Truth and living Hope Who is Christmas rescue me once again for that is, after all, the whole point of His coming at Christmas.
Gentle and silent,
Anne December 15, 2022
Somewhere in your Silent Night by Casting Crowns
Tripping with God: Stories of Faith and Inspiration 