Fearing

My fear this morning has an almost magnetic quality, pulling me toward it, spiderwebbing me into its lair. I frantically search through all my wiles in an effort to push it away. I am desperate to bring a sense of my own power to my powerlessness as it ramps up and threatens to be my undoing.

Like a biological imperative, I want only to escape. My expanding tear soaked anxiety bubbles up from my chest into my throat, choking off my words.  It wants to erupt and blast my tension out into the room in a sort of frenzied attempt to control the fear through lack of control. I am a whirling dervish of quivering, as I vomit my angst on the floor.

I thank God that He does not leave me there, quivering and alone! Instead, He comes to the point of my need and whispers beneath my angst. “Shh, Do not fear for I AM with you.”
He softly continues: “My promises are true!”
“I AM a very present help in time of trouble!”
“I will deliver you .. you need not fear the terror of the night for I cover you; My faithfulness will be your shield.”

He is kind and reassuring. His voice rises as my fear retreats and He declares, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
“I promise,” He adds.

I sit huddled allowing His truth the sink in. And as my tilting world comes back to center, I find I can breathe deeply once again. Calming, He sends me to Genesis 28:20-22 and leaves His closing to Mr. Pink:

“May the
God of Grace
enlarge our hearts to receive
His grace
and may He
empower us to magnify
His grace
by refusing to defile it
with any of our own wretched additions.”
(like fear and all it’s adjacents, I add.)
*A.W. Pink*
(Gleanings in Genesis, p253)

Amen!
Anne
January 6, 2025