A#8 Wednesday, 11/8/21

The morning is clear and breezy. The smell of the desert’s dust is in the air and there is a tent full of waiting people when we arrive at clinic.

Today I have been asked to take a day trip to Arusha, 2 hours away. I will accompany 3 children who are in need of advanced care. Sandy goes with me and Dominic is our driver.

Dr. Victor is a government appointed doctor and dentist who has joined us in clinic this week. He has made our trip to town possible. He is marvelously well connected. He sat beside me in clinic and made several phone calls to colleagues in Arusha to arrange care. I sat amazed as I realized he called the doctors themselves and they themselves answered and agreed to see my charges. He also gave me his personal phone to assure connection. He is a lovely man with a broad smile and ample laugh. He calls me Mama Annay.

Neema is my oldest today.  I will take her to the Plaster House and her uncle will meet us there.

Namayani is next. She is 10 years old and has severe Anemia. I will take her to a Cardiology clinic for evaluation and probable admission. Her dad will meet us there. And, Saringe is last. He is 9 years old with swollen joints. I will take him to an Orthopedic clinic. His mother and baby sister ride with in the van.

I have been given the front seat of the van with my charges all in the back. Apparently, they honor me with the front seat because I am their elder. I am not so fond of that term but I do accept the seat.

The dirt road to town is washboard bumpy. My seatbelt prevents me from turning around to check on my patients so I trust Sandy will let me know. Poor Saringe has never ridden in a car before and vomits his way to Arusha. When I finally understand, I give him something for it and he finds relief!

The Plaster House is our first stop. It is just outside of town and in the foothills of Mt. Meru. I am stunned at its beauty when I step from the van. There are misty low clouds lazily moving across the green grassy hills. It feel like a scene from Maui. The laughter of children lightly dancies on the wind with a stained glass porch, a butterfly chair and well tended landscapes completing the look. 

It is lovely place in look and feel and we are welcomed. I think Neema will be in good hands.

Next, we take Namayani to her cardiology appointment. The Moyo clinic is clean and bustling. They offer many services but see us quickly. The Cardiologist with whom we arranged care will see her later in the afternoon. Meanwhile, her dad at her side, she will have some tests done.

We leave with Saringe for the Total Care orthopedic clinic. It is quiet with few patients and we are seen quickly. 

It again, offers a variety of services. The Ortho doc is a young, mission minded man who is gentle, skilled and kind. He welcomes me and Saringe and explains his thoughts as he does his exam.  His conclusion needs additional testing which he will send to us but Saringe is free to return home for treatment.

When we return to Namayani she is being seen by the young, handsome, kind Cardiologist. He agrees she is dangerously anemic and advises we admit her for a blood transfusion. He suggests a small Lutheran hospital across town where he practices. 

It is now 4p. I have strict orders to leave the city no later than 5:30 to make it home by dark.  This seems an unlikely goal but we try.

The hospital is old with peeling paint, difficult smells and a room overflowing with waiting grim people. We are required to pay for admit to the ER and the anticipated tests before we can be evaluated so we join the waiting ones. We wait first to receive a number, then to pay, then to be called in for care. Brave Namayani sits quiet and unmoving while Sandy and I negotiate the lines.

While we wait, arrangements are made for our overnight stay in Arusha. This process is as wait-intensive as it is at home and nightfall has arrived before we are ready to go.

I have tried to be a comfort to Namayani without words but it is not until they start her IV that I see her react with any age appropriate fear. I run to her side and hold her with words that I can only hope reassure her with their tone. When they come to admit her, she rises to leave with me and I realize the limitations of my language. She does not understand and is afraid. Sandy comes to her side and tells her what is in store for her but my heart has already broken. How could I have missed the preparation of my patient? I leave praying that God will make a way in the path of my inadequacy.

It has been decided that I will stay at Dr. Victor’s home with his wife and daughters. My charges will stay at the Texas hotel. 

I am greeted by two energetic daughters, 8 &11 who speak excellent English and call me ‘Annay’. We share a meal of boiled fish and they give me a bucket of hot water for my ‘bath’. A little unsure about what to do with the bucket, I wash my face and feet and call it good. It has been a tiring but pleasant day. I am grateful for God’s provision seen and unseen.

TanzaniaAnne

Tuesday, November 9, 2021

Our CSI team gathers in the morning and we work page by page through the Restoration book.  I soon find the fundamentals apply to us all. Techniques to calm one’s thoughts and rewrite our own stories through the lens of God’s perspective. It becomes a time of affirmation and encouragement. 

We discuss creative work arounds for those who don’t read or write or have pencils or pens. The discussion started polo, polo (slow in Swahili) but became more interactive. They asked deeper as well as more practical questions. I was impressed with their level of engagement.

Most of our CSI men are Pastors so I was surprised when Philipo asked us an age old question.  He told us he understood what the book was saying but what do you tell someone about God when someone tells you all their cows have died. 

I answered, feeling inadequate, that caring well for one another comes along with meaningful relationships. It is the coming alongside that speaks to a hurting heart.  We may not have all the answers. We don’t always know what God is doing but we can know God and communicate His care through our presence.

It seemed like a question out of left field at first but it is really the message of our program. It is in the relationship that we can feel safe and allow God’s healing to change us.

Philipo appeared satisfied.

The afternoon finds me at Katelyn’s side as she assesses a 16ish yo girl in our CSI way.  Sandy is our interpreter. Neema is her name and she comes to us with burns on her head and body. She is withdrawn and very soft spoken, her voice just above a whisper. Her eyes are down and she rarely looks up. Her hands, unmoving, in her lap. Gently Katelyn asks her questions and slowly we discover her story.

Neema is the oldest of 3 children born to a very poor single mother. Neema’s father left the family.

Neema was given to a man@12 yo and had a baby who is now 4 and in the care of Neema’s aunt. Neema was sent home from the husband’s family when they discovered she had a seizure disorder. At her family home, she has had several seizures, two of which had her falling into a fire causing the severe burns we see today. As an outcast, she is excluded,  rarely fed and beaten regularly. Neema tells us she sometimes retreats to the bush by herself where she isn’t beaten.

Pastor Peter tells us that families of outcasts are simply waiting for them to die. They are a nuisance and a burden. Girls are only valued for the cows they can bring as a dowry and boys are valued for continuing the family line. If either of these goals are unlikely then the child becomes an outcast.

Kelly has heard of a place called The Plaster House. It is a faith based ministry in Arusha where treatable disabilities are surgically corrected/healed. Their hope is for the children to be accepted back into their communities with renewed value. For Neema, we make arrangements to transport our darling there on Wednesday. For her,  it will be a stepping stone to a forever home where she will be valued.

Monday, November 8:

We return to our Sunday’s church where Pastor Peter has set up large, white, pointed tents under which we will hold clinic in the open air.  The landscape is solid beige and uninviting but there are colorful chairs and tables to arrange beneath the bright white. The first day of clinic is often a bit chaotic as we set up and organize clinic in a new place.  As a result, I often step aside and seek out a place of overseeing prayer.  Today, my prayer chapel is found just beyond the bustling scene.  The land is dusty and rock strewn.  The low lying brush and bush is dry and barren.  There are thorn trees and well worn paths to the unknown, one of which I follow a short way before I turn around to watch.  I feel a bit like the prophet, Habukkuk, who stood on his ramparts to see what God would do. I begin my prayer with the words of his book chapter 1:5 when God says:

“Look and see;  wonder and be astounded.

For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe even if you were told.”

As clinic begins, I am tasked with gathering the Community Safety Initiative local volunteers to review the program with them.  There was some disappointing confusion among the volunteers about how to begin the relationships. We sent a team last summer who identified wounded community members in need but then no further contact was made. Today, we are taking the time to review and equip them for success.

Katelyn is my partner.  At home, she is pursuing a Masters in counseling with an emphasis on trauma.  This seems a perfect fit and indeed, it is as we feel connected from the start.  She and I find that we can finish each other’s sentences as we think along the same lines.  It becomes a joy to team teach our group.

We start with a group of 5:  Paulo, Sandy, Philipo, David and James.  Sandy is our interpreter and her enthusiasm shines from her every pore.  She is a delight as she is so eager to learn and share with us and the group.  

This program is designed to walk a wounded person through the process of rewriting their own story while redefining who they are in God’s eyes.  Our volunteers have agreed to, through relationship building, come alongside each person who we have identified as having a traumatic situation in need of healing.  We have created a workbook entitled Restoration to assist with the journey.  It is this workbook that we are to review with our group this week.

We call our community volunteers, Heroes.  Those who supervise Heroes are called Superheroes.  Paulo and Sandy clearly stand out and agree to assist the others and they become our Superheroes.

As we start, it is clear that these Maasai are masters at keeping their emotions off their faces. It is when we have them claim who they are in God’s eyes that their stoic faces break into joyful smiles along with mine. Each one reads a verse that describes who God says they are. “I am God’s masterpiece”, “I am fearfully and  wonderfully  made.”  It charges us all up and off we go.

I spend the afternoon seeing patients. Tiny smiles fill my space. I love this work.

TanzaniAnne

November 8, 2021

Sunday, November 7, 2021

My soul proclaims the goodness of the Lord and my spirit exalts God my Savior for He has looked with mercy on my low estate. 

For the mighty God has done great things for me. And His mercy will reach from age to age.

Holy is is Name. By John Michael Talbot.

My tears are close today and yet as I sit with them I am surprised to understand they are not tears of grief but tears of gratitude. And my heart is overflowing with good things as I spill out onto my cheeks with the astounding reality that God does not leave me in my low estate. He brings me to Africa so I might live in His mercy and be His goodness and He prompts a song so I might feel Him by my side as I start my day.

For the mighty God has done great things for me. Just imagine what He will do in and through today.

Anne

The rains are coming but they are not here yet. The ground is dusty. The grass is yellow and brittle. The washes are dry. The umbrella trees and scattered bushes are the only green amidst the parched earth but there is abundant living water in the church.

The beauty of Masai jump dancing for the joy of the Lord, children moving as one in celebration of the One Who provides, whole body jubilation with vigor. The Living Water falling fresh on all. It is a reviving circle of shared connection across cultural and language barriers. What a pulsing of life as we connect to our common power source.  How incredible. God is in our midst jumping, more pleased than we.

We are treated to the stories of God’s workings in 3 of our teammates and 2 of the church members. Pastor Timothy speaks from God’s Word and the Good Samaritan pops from the pages in living color. He uses our presence to illustrate the answer to Jesus’ question, “Who is your neighbor?”. “He who shows mercy.”

Sunday Sermon translated from Swahili.

Lk 10:25-37

Good Samaritan

Love God with ALL:

• Heart
• Soul
• Strength
• Mind

Love neighbor as yourself.

We identify neighbors in different ways.

Without love for neighbor, there’s no entering kingdom of God.

Who is our neighbor?

How do we inherit Kingdom of God?

Love our neighbor

Without boundaries

Neighbors are those you help in time of trouble.

The team has become our neighbors. We see the love of God in you by coming here.

We learn something from you because of the love of God.

You must love others with God’s power and then everyone is your neighbor.

Take this message as your message. Be the Good Samaritan to those who come to you.

When you face challenges, God’s love will protect you as you protect others who also have challenges.

Why do our friends leave all they know to come to Africa? Why do they use everything they have to help people in Africa?

Because of love.

Last time, people got well because of your care.

You bought food for the kids. Today family is happy because of you. Because of the love you have shown.

Because of the love of God in you.

We might preach well, sing well but without love we cannot see Jesus. 

You show us God’s love and we see Jesus.

Thank you.

Pastor Timothy

Tanzania me
Sunday, November 7, 2021

Saturday, November 6, 2021

Jambo, Tanzania! 

We leave Arusha after a pleasant, slow morning at the market and Cultural Center. It is a cool breezy, sunny day with low lying clouds and blue sky. The acrid smell of exhaust that is blowing in the open van windows is soon replaced by the fresher open air of the rural roadway. There is mist on the mountain we skirt on our way out of town. Its peaks are hidden from our view.

Barren hills to the left dotted with herds of sheep and goats. There are hints of the Massai herders in their red Shukas in the distance. 

Trucks piled high with newly hewn tree trunks pass on the left and each small village  presents with it’s own heaps of wood logs and planks so reminscent of Haiti’s doomed deforestation.

It  is a dusty, dry landscape until the undulating grasslands turn greener as they slope gently up to the mountain’s edge.  

We turn off the main highway onto a dirt road. As we venture farther into the countryside the cloud slowly take over the sky. The trees are taller and more frequent and between them we see a family of giraffes, baby in tow. Their grand design silhouetted magnificently against the umbrella trees and tall grasses. 

We arrive, at last, at our week’s destination, the Mount K motel.  It is a lovely walled compound with garden, a pup and friendly staff to welcome us with Tanzanian hospitality and their favored chai tea. Just over the wall the giggles of two young boys capture my attention as the one fits nicely into a large circular bowl which the other spins and they both fall into laughter. My heart laughs with them. I have missed being with the children.

I am road weary and it isnt soon enough when I find my bed a welcomed respite from the traveling.  

Asante Sana (Swahili for Thank You) for our safe travels and cherished slumber.

Anne

Wednesday, November 2, 2021

Departure Day Tomorrow

My heart is full of sorrow today. My head aches and I feel burdened by this world of details. Some days are just more difficult than others…

The days before a trip often find me harried and on edge but this time is particularly dizzying. My struggle is all knotted up with my grief. My sorrow swirls around me like a vortex of doom with so many layers threatening to undo me. It would be easy to slip within it’s diabolical web. I am tempted but God brings me a refuge, I discover, as my weary heart begins to sing Psalms 51 like a prayer.

Psalms 51:10-12

Create in me a clean heart, O God,

    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Cast me not from Thy presence, Lord

    Take not Thy Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation

    and renew a willing spirit within me.

Through my tears, I own how much I long for a reset. How I long for a willing, steadfast spirit, renewed within me. How I long for God’s redemptive power to be poured out to others through my weakness and through Him to receive it back myself.

I don’t feel hopeful or relieved but today I choose to believe anyway. I choose refuge from my swirling sorrow. I choose belief.

I believe You, Lord. I believe. 

So here I am. Send me.

Anne

Let our African Adventure begin…

Thursday, November 4, 2021

I board my first plane today @1045am and I arrive at my destination Friday @845pm…roughly 33 hours later. 

Some have said it’s too far to go and too short a time to stay. Some have wondered if the cost wouldn’t be better spent in other ways.  Some wonder why…

Those always thinking people need a fresh encounter with the power of relationship. 

My most cherished journeys are inextricably bound to those with whom I journey. Do not underestimate the power of connection in relationship. 

My plane ride, long as it is, is not wasted time. For me it is a time of preparation; of letting go of home and expectations and opening to all the possibilities ahead.

Take my fellow passenger seated just ahead of me. She is a tangle of incessant, uncomfortable talking with a hint of psychosis and a love of ‘bad words’. She was escorted onto the plane by the kindest, most compassionate man who reframed my whole experience of her. And then the Purser, apparently the Boss, came and patiently welcomed her like royalty. I had to wonder who she could possibly be until I heard her talking to Jesus and I knew. She is a child of the King, in an interesting package but a child nonetheless.

It’s then that I connected my dots. I was afraid of her at first, especially since I had just appropriated all her pillows, but the kindness of others opened me to the gift, to their power of connection. Their kindness calmed her and me.

It’s a part of why I travel. Loving others will transform the world, one connection at a time.

Anne

“Love difficult people. You are one of them”

I  got a skin check up from my dermatologist the other day. She lightly brushed my skin as she did her exam and I suddenly realized I had not been touched like that all year. The immediate tears in my eyes revealed my welling questions, kinda dumb but real nonetheless: Who will touch me now? Somehow that led into memories of dancing with Philip, and a follow up question: who will twirl me now?

Since Philip passed, I’ve often pictured myself dancing with him in my yard at midnight under the stars.

When we did dance, he would sometimes start slow and sweet but as soon as he felt the beat, we were off, sometimes frantically, twirling me with abandon, sometimes dropping me or throwing me into groomsmen but always locking eyes with me as I locked eyes with him, the one who chose to love me best on Earth. I did not have the stamina that he had but we both shared the unlimited, connecting joy together.

Tonight when I could not sleep, I got up to dance in the dark of my bedroom. I began with music from The Passenger that I ‘randomly’ found looking for something else on YouTube. It was as if it were sung by Philip, himself.

How many times can I tell you?

By The Passenger

You’re lovely just the way you are

Don’t let the world come and change you

Don’t let life break your heart

Don’t put on their mask, don’t wear their disguise

Don’t let them dim the light that shines in your eyes

If only you could love yourself the way that I love you

How many times can I say

You don’t have to change a thing

Don’t let the tide wash you away

Don’t let worry ever clip your wings

Discard what is fake, keep what is real

Pursue what you love, embrace how you feel

If only you could love yourself the way that I love you

And if you ever choose a road that leads nowhere

All alone and you can’t see right from wrong

And if you ever lose yourself out there

Come on home and I’ll sing you this song

So how many times can I tell you

You’re lovely just the way you are

Don’t let the world come and change you

Don’t let life break your heart.

~~

And if that weren’t lovely enough,  my phone followed up  ‘randomly” with music by Bethel Music. It was as if Jesus cut in on Philip and reminded me who wrote my song in the first place. And in so doing, He answered both of my dermatological questions spoken into fear.

We Dance

By Bethel Music

You steady me

Slow and sweet, we sway

Take the lead and I will follow

Finally ready now

To close my eyes and just believe

That You won’t lead me

Where You don’t go

When my faith gets tired

And my hope seems lost

You spin me round and round

And remind me of that song

The one You wrote for me

And we dance

And we dance

And I’ve been told

To pick up my sword

And fight for love

Little did I know

That Love had won for me

Here in Your arms

You still my heart again

And I breathe You in

Like I’ve never breathed ’till now

When my faith gets tired

And my hope seems lost

You spin me round and round

And remind me of that song

The one You wrote for me

And we dance

And we dance

And I will lock eyes

With the One who’s ransomed me

The One who gave me joy for mourning

And I will lock eyes

With the One who’s chosen me

The One who set my feet to dancing.

And I will lock eyes

With the One who’s ransomed me

The One who gave me joy for mourning

And I will lock eyes

With the One who’s chosen me

The One who set my feet to dancing.

We dance

We dance

We dance

We dance

Just You and me

It’s nice to know I’m not alone

I’ve found my home here in Your arms

It’s nice to know I’m not alone

I’ve found my home here in Your arms

It’s nice to know I’m not alone

I’ve found my home here in Your arms

It’s nice to know I’m not alone

I’ve found my home here in your arms.

~~

Dancing in the Dark to God’s handpicked playlist with His handpicked partners answering my questions as He sings over me…

Amazed and we’ll cared for,

Anne October 19, 2021. @midnight

“For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty Savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will sing over you with joyful songs.”

Zephaniah 3:17

I went to Haiti in 2010 after a long season of mourning. I shared my losses with the earthquake survivors’ losses and I did, indeed, find ‘a new vision and a new purpose’. And in so doing I was also blessed with a new understanding of Jesus when He said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive”. (Acts 20:35) The brilliant truth of this is that it is also in the giving that we do receive.

It is why God calls us to give ourselves away in His service so that He might make room for the receiving of Himself within us. 

I’m going to Tanzania in November with Developing Workers Global to take care of kids and their families with an extension to visit my college roommates in Amsterdam. 

It is time to ‘get on with it’ and take the next step in the giving circle put in place by God Himself: “For God so loved the world that He gave…”.

Anne

October 15, 2021