I awake to a lower energy day and to combat this, I wash our three pairs of scrubs in the sink, ringing them in a towel, and hanging them every which way to dry. I eat my instant oatmeal while sitting by the hotel window looking out at the bright day and I explore my Input strength.

“Those with strong input talents are inquisitive. They love to provide relevant and tangible help to others.”

I smile at this. I stayed up late writing last night. I’ve found that I have a need to process my day through words as I seek relevant and tangible help for myself from above and then seek to pass on what I discover.

It may be a low energy day but it was for a satisfying reason and this will ultimately fuel my new day.

We are going to a different church. It is by a river in the lush countryside. Joe is staying back at the hotel so it is Ari, the team, and I, who head out for our 2 hour drive.

The countryside is a kaleidoscope of tropical yellow and green. The tall grasses wave gently in the wind. It is a cross between watery Bangladesh and the savannahs of Africa, only with better roads. It is perhaps just as narrow, however, as I am startled out of my revelry by the occasional crash on the bus roof as we snap off an overhanging tree branch.

Our church is in a remote, rural town on the western river bank of the second largest river in Mexico. We walk a leisurely dirt path past a mud pond of ducks and chickens. The birds are singing in the trees that canopy our way and we enter the church from behind. The ‘front’ of the church faces the river.

We set up clinic in a partially finished cement building with uneven, loose dirt floors.  I am in charge of Joe’s station today and so I set up the height and weight. When I step on the scale, I am pleased to see that I have lost 50 pounds in the last two days! Wow! I must have really been sweating.  After a few failed tricks, I move my station to the cement floored church buildings farther away so that I can gain my 50 pounds back😉.

My first patient, 80 yo Susanna, sees that I am heat challenged, already, and offers me her spare hand fan. We bat our eyes at each other over our fans and laugh. Just two little maids from school, I sing.

Magania is my line helper and though we do not share common words we do share a common language of service. Her broad smile melts me each time I look up.

In between my patients, I feel like I’ve entered a zone of invisibility. It’s as if  I am transported back in time. The church people are greeting each other warmly. Smiles and laughter float above the conversations.  It feels like Old Timers day in rural New Mexico and Philip is everywhere. These are his favorite people, speaking his beloved language,making his best loved foods, and wearing his cherished white straw cowboy hats. Over by the kitchen, I see Philip’s Uncle Pat with his thin, long face and big, bullshit protected ears that peek out from under his 10 gallon.  Grandpa Sam with his round face and beautiful bald head comes walking in unsteadily, with his love in one hand and a cane in the other. Philip’s friend Rosario’s twin is here with his contagious smile and laugh. It is a bittersweet zone and I am partially grateful for the quick escape back into work.

Each time I weigh a young man, an older man peeks over my shoulder to see how much the scales says and then makes a few comments in Spanish. I wonder at this but with no interpreter I am left to my own musings. I try to relate that the scale is in pounds and not kilograms but I don’t think I am successful. Later, I suspect that he might have been converting pounds to kg for them and I marvel at his mental math skills. In this heat, my math skills are not at their finest.

In the afternoon, I find myself surrounded by my  four amigos:  Susanna, Ingrid, Santiago, Issac. They swarm to my side between patients and are shooed away by my math wizard when a new one comes. They teach me Spanish numbers and ABC’s in between.

I begin to flip my water bottle to make it stand and they watch tentatively from the sidelines until my nefarious plan works and they swoop in to join me. The laughter and competition heats up and I make a few furtive glances at the adults to see if we are getting too loud but find instead that not one adult is looking our way. To me, it sounds like a riot in the making but no one seems to even notice.

I love greeting every patient, shaking the hands of the elderly, holding the babies, wooing the under five crowd, playing with the olders. This is my favorite kind of day.

BHWB,

MexicAnne

Today, my mind is filled with concerns. My body aches. The heat is so oppressive. Will I be up to my tasks today? As my mind turns to ask God these things, He directs me to my strength book. I open to Developer. It tells me my strength lies in finding the good in others; in seeking out roles in which my primary role is to facilitate growth.

In reading, my gut response is one of denial; “That does not sound like me”, I tell myself. Yet when I look at my day yesterday, it is exactly me. Despite my deficits, I was leaning into my God given strength. I was watching for and facilitating the growth of others.  The Developer strength continues with the affirmation: do what you can do rather than what you can’t.

As always, God changes my perspective when I turn to Him.

I’m ready. Clinic day #2 here we go!

Dennis’ devotion on the bus ride encourages us to consider making prayer our first impulse when faced with the challenges of our day. A wireless connection, if you will and connection becomes my theme for the day.

We return to the same church. The heat factor is less though our thermometers still groan. They stopped entirely yesterday mirroring our own stamina issues.

I look over to Joe who is wooing his 2yo patient. The little boy is not interested in having Joe measure his upper arm circumference until Joe shows him his own muscles. The little one then mimics Joe with delight at comparing strength, a broad smile transforming his face. It is a perfect tactic and with connection made, the measurement is done.

Later, several high school boys, Joe’s contemporaries, come to clinic. As they wait on the bench to have weight and height taken, Joe takes the opportunity for a small prank that transcends their language barrier. While one is having his height measured, which takes a blink, Joe stands behind him and puts his finger to his lips, signaling the benched ones to stay quiet. When his patient asks if he is done, Joe directs him to stand still and waits to see what the boy will do. When the boy realizes he’s being pranked, they all laugh together. Connection made. Deed done with delight.

When I look over at Ari, I see that her interpreter is 8yo Adele with her mother. I marvel as I watch Ari take the reins of her station and teach what she has just learned to Adele. She teaches with ease and confident tenderness. It is hard to believe we have only been here two days. She is so self assured and comfortable with her work as if she is equally as well practiced.

Genuine faith has a habit of playing dominoes. One Domino informs the next which informs the next until there is a cascading faith reaction. Take clinic, for example.

Dennis encouraged the team today to respond with prayer as our first impulse. Domino #1a. Laura walked to a high school yesterday to offer the clinic to the students. Domino#1. Today the students came. Domino#2. One of those students came to CSI in great physical and emotional distress where he found willing hearts to carry his burdens and others to listen to God’s call to pray. Domino #3 and #4. With the help of our community of Domino/believers, our young man, accepting our care also accepted our Savior, Jesus. He left with his understanding parents several hours later. Holistically cared for, given physical and emotional acceptance, he was open  to spiritual acceptance as well.  He left with a calm spirit and our Living Hope.

The Lord gave victory to His anointed, CSI dominos. He delivered this needy one and He answered us all from His heavenly sanctuary with the victorious power of His right hand, our Lord Jesus.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God and though our boy was  brought to his knees, he did rise up to stand firm and able to become a Domino in his own right.

It is the marvelous, beautiful circle of giving put in place by God Himself:

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that He gave…

Prayer for our sobbing CSI child

Psalm 20:1-2,5-8

[1]May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;
    may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
[2]May he send you help from this sanctuary in Chiapas, Mexico
    and grant you support from Zion.
[6]Now this I know:
    The Lord gives victory to his anointed warriors in CSI
He answers them from his heavenly sanctuary
    with the victorious power of his right hand, our Lord Jesus Christ.
[7]Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
    but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
[8]They are brought to their knees and fall,
    but we rise up and stand firm.

Psalms 51:10,12

[10]Create in us a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within us.
[12]Restore to us the joy of your salvation
    and grant us a willing spirit, to sustain us.

Psalm 72:12-14

[12]For he will deliver the needy who cry out,
    the afflicted who have no one to help.
[13]He will take pity on the weak and the needy
    and save the needy from death.
[14]He will rescue them from oppression and violence,
    for precious is their blood in his sight.

1 Peter 1:3-4

[3]Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
[4]and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you,

It was a good day at clinic!

BHWB,

MexicAnne

There is a bus stop outside my hotel window. A constant parade of gospel colored vans stream past picking up, dropping off in a constant rhythm of the morning. 

This prompts me to look actively for how God’s rhythms are moving. I give thanks for each of the essential names He will have me speak today. My season of first reluctance is gone and my heart begins to sing:  “My chains are gone. I’ve been set free. Amazing Grace. How sweet the sound.”

It is a ragamuffin day as the sun rises creating shadows on the pavement. The familiar, acrid smell of burning garbage floats on the soft, heat tinged wind and already the bus is a welcomed retreat.

We begin  at the IGLESIA PRESBITERIANA MANANTIAL DE VIDA in El Paramisa, Chiapas, an hour drive from Villahermosa.

We set up clinic in the modest church sanctuary with spiritual counseling on the porch outside.

It is tight quarters but it flows well for the most part.

Clinic begins with Joe who eagerly sets up his post which begins with height and weight. He needs no prompting but goes right to work returning to the rhythms he began in Zanzibar last September. He is alive with positivity and it fuels his whole day and mine as well.

I begin in vitamins with Ari, teaching her its details. Irene, a medical student local, is her interpreter. They are both patient and helpful and kind and are running the station in no time. Ari proves herself to be a resilient, self assured, independent young woman. She is a delight and multiple team members tell her, and me. 

We are in full swing when an elderly woman arrives with her friend. She is faint and weak with a history of seizures. We start an IV and begin hydration. It is a hot, high humidity day so it is not so surprising that a seizure patient’s delicate balance might be disrupted. It is surprising that it doesn’t happen more often. The IV does its job and she walks out on her own power a few hours later.

Our hosts prepare a lovely lunch of potatoes, carrots and beef. They are very attentive to our every need. Cold bottled water and towels are generously provided accompanied by abundant patience with my poquito language skills. They are as pleased with our service as we are with theirs.

And though 105° with 90% humidity is taxing my limits, I take refuge in the beauty in the room as the locals and the US team seem to meld seamlessly together, giving from the gifts each has been given in the beautiful rhythm of God’s provision.

MexicAnne

June 19, 2023

Saturday, June 17, 2023
And so off we go to Southern Mexico with Developing Workers. I take my son, Joe and granddaughter, Ari with me this time. They have been exceptional traveling companions as we share each 3 seated row, taking turns at the window seat. It has been A’s goal to avoid the airplane bathroom. I smile to myself and say a prayer of thanks that squatty potties will not be included in this trip.
Mexico City airport presented our first eating challenge but Starbucks came to our rescue and was followed by a luggage riding race down the ramps.
We arrived in Villahermosa after a long day of travel. It is humid and breezy in the night air as we emerge from our third airport of the day. My glasses fog over as I leave the a/c and take a deep breath of our first fresh air.

Sunday, June 18, 2023
This trip I’ve been particularly aware of my inadequacies. After all my traveling, now, somehow, has found me reluctant to trust my assessment skills just as it was at the very beginning. My role as examiner and the responsibility it carries with it, has produced a renewed dread in me. As I’ve sat with this and acknowledged my fear, I’ve been gifted with a newly renewed confidence. “God does not call the equipped, He equips the called.”

This morning I’m reading a book about my giftings. In the language of the Clifton’s Strength Finder, my strongest gift is what they call connectedness. Today, it reads: “Connectedness talents can help you look past the outer shell of a person. You can naturally look past the labels and focus on his or her essential needs.” My phone autocorrects to “essential name”. How marvelous to consider that I am here not to treat disease but to treat people who’s essential name, as with my own, needs to be recognized and spoken.
I can only do this through Christ Who strengthens me as He calls me. And He calls me at the very point of my need.

Sunday service is in town at the Cristo la Luz del Mundo, Presbyterian Church. The sanctuary is large and we sit on the far left. They welcome and introduce each of us by name and we stand and wave hola.
They are celebrating Father’s Day and there is a Father’s Day choir made up of bright, white-shirted children. They sing songs in Spanish as I sing along in English. Some of the little girls tear up during the father tribute song. One daddy comes down front to hug his darling. It is a tender, beautiful sight.
Our teammate, Dennis delivers the sermon through a young interpreter. He uses the image of pushing his son on a swing: During times of trouble, like a swing, we sometimes feel like God pushes us away but when we return we will see that He has worked all things for our good. He works through and against the natural world to teach us how much He loves us. I Peter 1:3-7, Romans 8:26-30.

And He will work through and against our natural world this week. It makes me smile to watch expectantly for how He will speak my essential name this week.

MexicAnne

June 17-25, 2023

“But unto you that fear My name
shall the Sun of Righteousness arise
with healing in His wings;” Malachi 4:3

Two cranes perched on the bank of the stream; one brilliant white in the sun and the other a shadowy gray beside. The gurgling of the water is soothing to my soul. It’s sparkling reflection calling my name.
Here I am, standing at the bank of the river of time wondering where the waters will take me when I step back into the current.

And just like that, a hint of the answer takes flight before me. The soft breezing of the wind lifts the white bird’s majestic wing span as she flies above the water, her shadowy counterpart silently following in unison of being. Emerging beauty, shadow and brilliance, taking flight as one.

BHWB,
Anne
March, 2023

In response to my life, I grind my teeth, alot. This has damaged my jaw which has caused me to seek treatment. The treatment works really well. Yay! The trouble is the treatment is ridiculously painful. It pushes me to the very edge of my endurance; all semblance of power, competence, strength vanish in an instant. I am left quivering, exposed, intensely raw, completely defenseless, uncovered and bewildered.

I used to wonder why I didn’t cry out to God in those moments until I realized that it is then that my faith does it’s work.

Unbidden by me, my God gathers me under His wings  and covers me until the danger passes.

It would be easy to say that He “comes” to my rescue but that is not entirely true. He doesn’t need to ‘come’ to my aid or ‘show up’ for me because He never leaves my side even for a moment. The truth is He’s already there keeping His promises.

And that, my friend, is the assurance of faith.

My 16 year old iis driving himself to school now so the dogs and I have to figure out a new schedule for our walks. The son thinks I can sleep in but the dogs do not share that opinion so off we go for our walk before the sun and the son.

On the way, a song comes on the radio. “I Think We’re Alone Now” by Tiffany.  It made me smile as I walked the dogs. A desert sort of Spring is beginning to peek through the barren ground in tufts of green. The early birds are singing. The sun is just light on the horizon and I do think we’re alone now.

The birds remind me of the garden where God walked with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day. It is cool. A cool 49°. My broken arm is using the dog leash for a sling. My cousin’s puffy jacket is a cushion for my neck. I have no need to hide from God in the trees of this garden for His lines have fallen in pleasant places for me today and I take a deep breath to savor it.

Oh my God, gather me to be with You as You are with me…Especially in this Philip- loved place of snowy slopes. Where my heart is heavy and light with the memories of him on the anniversary of his going. I smile at the shine of new sunlight on snow that the wind blows effortlessly in soft billows. The brisk coldness invigorates; the excitement of the hill bursts forth, uncontainable, on the faces around me and on mine own. It is a glorious day to celebrate as it is a sorrowful one deep inside. A mysterious mixture of mayhem and melody in this dance of my life. May I embody both as a picture of Your indescribable gathering coming together, like light on snowpack, invigorating. 

Gather me to be with You

O God, gather me to be with You as You are with me.
Soothe my tiredness; curb my aimlessness; relieve my compulsiveness;
let me be easy for a moment.

O Lord, release me
from the fears and guilts which grip me so tightly;
from the expectations and opinions which I so tightly grip, that I may be open to receiving what You give, to risking something genuinely new, to learning something refreshingly different.

O God, gather me to be with You as You are with me.
Forgive me
for claiming so much for myself
that I leave no room for gratitude;
for confusing exercises in self-importance
for complaining so much of my burdens that I become a burden;
with acceptance of self-worth; for competing against others so insidiously that I stifle celebrating them and receiving your blessing through their gifts.

O God, gather me to be with You as You are with me.
Keep me in touch with myself, with my needs,
my anxieties,
my angers,
my pains,
my corruptions,
that I may claim them as my own rather than blame them on someone else.

O Lord, deepen my wounds into wisdom;
shape my weaknesses into compassion;
gentle my envy into enjoyment, my fear into trust, my guilt into honesty, my accusing fingers into tickling ones.

Oh My God, gather me to be with You as You are with me.
Ted Loder’s Guerrillas of Grace
” Gather me to be with You”
Page 76

As this challenging year ends, my challenges do not.  I am now both a widow and an orphan. I have both a broken arm and a pinched nerve in my back. I am a hot mess and a spicy disaster but beyond it all, I can thank God for Christmas.

I thank God for the birth of Jesus who was born and saw life through our eyes and now gives us the gift of seeing life through His. The richer, deeper, soul nourishing life He has uniquely handcrafted for each one of us.

Christmas made possible the freedom to live above our circumstances. A life only possible when we choose to see it through His eyes.

Hallelujah and amen. There is a brand new year coming!

These past few weeks my old acquaintance, Dread, has  returned.  The feeling of not wanting to proceed; of wanting to stand still and hold my breath until the unformed danger moves past. 

The loss of my mom and the struggling grief of my child have stymied me…good reasons, I suppose…

And then there’s the fact that I’ve just returned from St. Louis where we dismantled my mom’s house of 43 years. It was an oddly comforting reprieve to be with my siblings, cousin and friend. Through all of our funerals, we have continued to say that we are stronger together and that always proves true.

But now returning home, my lingering dread awakens with me each morning. I suspect it will just take time to assimilate into myself this ever changing life of mine. 

I tell others who are new to grieving to be gentle with themselves and so I claim this for myself. In the stillness of my silent night, I will gently let the Truth and living Hope Who is Christmas rescue me once again for that is, after all, the whole point of His coming at Christmas.

Somewhere in your Silent Night by Casting Crowns