Thursday Clinic Day Five
We leave early having heard there are many people waiting already. Some have been waiting for hours.
The other days I have looked for purpose which always found me and today is no different. But today, I have, at last, embraced my purpose and opened a shot clinic in the corner chair. All day long I mix and administer, repeat. It is what I love and I get one on one time which I also love. I am quite happy with my role.
When I arrive, I am greeted at the door by two of my returning patients. One from Monday, one from yesterday.
Without paperwork, I look among my photos for confirmation. My darling needed another dose of her antibiotic. She was curled up on her mother’s lap with one arm snugly resting beneath Mama’s shuka. I mixed the med and gave her shot. When it was time to go, Mama pulled out the hidden arm to ask about the IV. My heart dropped! I could have given the med IV and saved the child the pain. Irritated with myself lack of vision, I can only hope that Jesus will use my mistake for His purposes.
Next in my corner chair is the little one with all the sisters. She needs a repeat dose of antibiotics. Her IV from yesterday is not working so I try without success to start a new one. I call Erasco over but does not succeed either so I give the necessary dose by shot. I hate it when my skills fail me especially with the wee ones. I can feel myself becoming increasingly disgusted with myself.
When a tiny one arrives in the chair for IV meds, I am relieved to find a giant hand vein. “At last,” I think, “I can redeem myself!” When the catheter breaks mid stick something breaks in me. All I want to do is storm off, curse, scream, cry but I’ve trained myself well. I power through and do not take the time to go outside and scream. There is plenty of screaming inside however as I try to stay off the edge of complete collapse,
As the week has progressed, I have felt my body tiring but have taken refuge in God’s strong Spirit. Today, I can feel the fatigue creeping into my spirit as well. I let go of some things and am completely undone by others. As the clinic finishes up, I take a moment to sit in the bus alone and scream on the inside. I do not understand days like this and my heart is heavy with disappointment in myself and the way of things.
God knows this. He sends me our team to speak for Him to me. I am handed a bottle of water and given a reassuring pat on the back. I am distracted by the joy of a calmed and happy patient formerly known for his shrill resistance as he plays with another of us. Peter’s son comes, his sweetness transmitted through his nearness. I am hugged mentally and physically by others. They remind me of my value by reminding me that God’s purposes cover all of living. It’s okay to be discouraged at the effects of living in a world outside of His original intention. He welcomes my tears, sending His comfort in beautiful ways.
The day ends with God’s piece de resistance! My Arusha boy and his dad have come to clinic to see us. He is smiling and strong. He takes my hands and with his brilliant smile he says “Thank you!” His dad has his precious grateful tears in his eyes again. He bear hugs me, kissing each of my cheeks, his gratitude overflowing. He tells me that because of my kindness, his son is mine.
I am so pleased to see their vibrance and my angst is wiped away in an instant. God has said He will wipe away every tear. I just didn’t expect it would be today.
Tanzi
Tripping with God: Stories of Faith and Inspiration 